How is it that the first half of 2007 is over? How is it that no matter what I plan to get done, I barely finish or even start task #1. Is it distraction, procrastination, or distraction yet again?
Time doesn't seem to be on my side. Samantha is 2 1/2. What have I done for her so far in life? It feels like nothing. I've kept her alive, but I don't know if I've really given her anything. I can't get my brain to stop and focus on the moment. I try, but it seems that I try to hard.
I'm a "closet" breastfeeder. I only mean that in so much as I don't bring it up that I'm still breastfeeding, even my mom seems to think that Samantha is too old. I must say that there are times where I am definitely ready to stop. Or I just don't want to sit down at that moment. But when I do stop and nurse Samantha. That is when I'm in the moment. I can't really do anything else. It's like she's forcing me to slow down and be with her, since I'm not good at doing it any other way.
I don't know how to own being a mom. I take care of her, keep her bathed, fed, etc. The basics. But I don't know how to go beyond that. Something in me is afraid. Of what I don't know. Is it the fear I've had forever about being a mom and I'm not overcoming it? Something, Something. Taking one day at a time. Living in the moment. Slowing down to smell the roses. All of these come into play, yet I have the hardest time doing any of these.
And time continue to pass away.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Tivo
Tivo has got to be one of the greatest inventions in life!
I believe I have an addiction to TV. :)
It is one that at times has sucked afternoons away from me, and evenings and weekends. However, Tivo has come along and now I've picked a few of my favorite shows. All Thursday night shows, The Office, Scrubs, Rock30, My Name is Earl. I let them gather up for a few weeks at a time and then sit down and enjoy for long periods of time, just like I used to.
But instead of it being everyday, it's few and far between.
It's taken me an hour to write this, cause I'm catching up and LAUGHING!
h
I believe I have an addiction to TV. :)
It is one that at times has sucked afternoons away from me, and evenings and weekends. However, Tivo has come along and now I've picked a few of my favorite shows. All Thursday night shows, The Office, Scrubs, Rock30, My Name is Earl. I let them gather up for a few weeks at a time and then sit down and enjoy for long periods of time, just like I used to.
But instead of it being everyday, it's few and far between.
It's taken me an hour to write this, cause I'm catching up and LAUGHING!
h
Monday, May 21, 2007
Exercise
How is it that an owner of a gym still can't find time for exercise?!
The better word to use is "make" time. People come work out at my gym because they know they will be distracted with other duties at home. Well, I guess you could say the same for me. There are too many other things I want/need to do. I can't comfortably exercise knowing the schedule hasn't been made, calls need to be returned, duties need to written out, so they can become delegated duties instead of "only in my head" duties.
I WANT to exercise. I KNOW it feels better. I KNOW I only have time for 30 minutes, what I offer to my clients. So why don't I stop and do it? If all of my backed up to do list has waited this long, it can wait for 30 more minutes, right? Somehow my brain hasn't figured that out. I'll start exercising, and think of one thing then another and I just get enjoy my workout.
I've thought of finding another Curves to go to, but I'd spend to much time talking to employees/owner. I'd like to go to Yoga, but then I have schedules I need to make time for, and I can't find a studio that has convenient class times for me. Then there is 24 hour fitness again. But my late at night workouts can't happen anymore now that I've got a 2 year old daughter at home. Besides, I don't have time for more than 30 minutes. Hence, the reason for Curves.
So, how can I make time for exercise at my home away from home? I've got all the excuses in the book, like everyone else not exercising in the world. I need to come up with a way around my excuses. A way to work through the distraction of my 2nd home duties, so I can ENJOY the workout. I don't enjoy it right now. That is my problem. I don't enjoy it. How can I enjoy it.
I think if I could work out to different music, not the same stuff I've tuned out. I think if I could work out by myself, not with other people watching to see if I do it right or not. There are three times during the day to do this.
5 a.m.
1 p.m.
7 p.m.
When 1 -3 come around, my mom's waiting for answers, phone calls need to happen and I've been on my feet for 7-8 hours. Just like the folks that don't like to come in at 5 p.m. after their work day, 1 p.m. doesn't work for me. Then there is 7 p.m. I actually get a great workout at this time of night, but again, if I'm here at 7, it means I've been here since 6. So that is out.
5 a.m. it is. Wow. This is going to be tough, getting there that early. But Toby is taking Samantha each morning, so I don't need to worry about dropping her off. I'm barely awake and sucking on my coffee when I get there at 6. I need to change the way I start my day.
Getting up, washing my face and leaving is the best way for me to leave the house without getting distracted. Showers will have to happen at night, and bedhead will have to be the "In" thing. This means a haircut again!
So 4:30 a.m. is my wake up time. The coffee will brew and I'll pour a bit for me to take in a thermos. Better yet, I'll have a cup and relax for 15 minutes before driving off for the day. Perhaps I could read some inspirational material first thing in the morning. I've got to cut down on my coffee anyway. Especially the calorie laden fu fu drinks. I just fear that the longer I linger at the house, the more chance I have of waking up Samantha which is THE LAST THING I want to do in the morning.
I'll also need to eat a bit of something before exercise. Some yogurt, apple, egg, etc. And then have a breakfast prepped for after the workout. If this works out, I'll be able to workout at 5 a.m. - before anybody else can bother me! Woo Hoo!
So when do I start? This will be the thing. I tend to put off all decisions, until their perfect. I tend to put off all changes, until something else changes, and so on. Let's see if I can just simply start tomorrow.
The better word to use is "make" time. People come work out at my gym because they know they will be distracted with other duties at home. Well, I guess you could say the same for me. There are too many other things I want/need to do. I can't comfortably exercise knowing the schedule hasn't been made, calls need to be returned, duties need to written out, so they can become delegated duties instead of "only in my head" duties.
I WANT to exercise. I KNOW it feels better. I KNOW I only have time for 30 minutes, what I offer to my clients. So why don't I stop and do it? If all of my backed up to do list has waited this long, it can wait for 30 more minutes, right? Somehow my brain hasn't figured that out. I'll start exercising, and think of one thing then another and I just get enjoy my workout.
I've thought of finding another Curves to go to, but I'd spend to much time talking to employees/owner. I'd like to go to Yoga, but then I have schedules I need to make time for, and I can't find a studio that has convenient class times for me. Then there is 24 hour fitness again. But my late at night workouts can't happen anymore now that I've got a 2 year old daughter at home. Besides, I don't have time for more than 30 minutes. Hence, the reason for Curves.
So, how can I make time for exercise at my home away from home? I've got all the excuses in the book, like everyone else not exercising in the world. I need to come up with a way around my excuses. A way to work through the distraction of my 2nd home duties, so I can ENJOY the workout. I don't enjoy it right now. That is my problem. I don't enjoy it. How can I enjoy it.
I think if I could work out to different music, not the same stuff I've tuned out. I think if I could work out by myself, not with other people watching to see if I do it right or not. There are three times during the day to do this.
5 a.m.
1 p.m.
7 p.m.
When 1 -3 come around, my mom's waiting for answers, phone calls need to happen and I've been on my feet for 7-8 hours. Just like the folks that don't like to come in at 5 p.m. after their work day, 1 p.m. doesn't work for me. Then there is 7 p.m. I actually get a great workout at this time of night, but again, if I'm here at 7, it means I've been here since 6. So that is out.
5 a.m. it is. Wow. This is going to be tough, getting there that early. But Toby is taking Samantha each morning, so I don't need to worry about dropping her off. I'm barely awake and sucking on my coffee when I get there at 6. I need to change the way I start my day.
Getting up, washing my face and leaving is the best way for me to leave the house without getting distracted. Showers will have to happen at night, and bedhead will have to be the "In" thing. This means a haircut again!
So 4:30 a.m. is my wake up time. The coffee will brew and I'll pour a bit for me to take in a thermos. Better yet, I'll have a cup and relax for 15 minutes before driving off for the day. Perhaps I could read some inspirational material first thing in the morning. I've got to cut down on my coffee anyway. Especially the calorie laden fu fu drinks. I just fear that the longer I linger at the house, the more chance I have of waking up Samantha which is THE LAST THING I want to do in the morning.
I'll also need to eat a bit of something before exercise. Some yogurt, apple, egg, etc. And then have a breakfast prepped for after the workout. If this works out, I'll be able to workout at 5 a.m. - before anybody else can bother me! Woo Hoo!
So when do I start? This will be the thing. I tend to put off all decisions, until their perfect. I tend to put off all changes, until something else changes, and so on. Let's see if I can just simply start tomorrow.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Midnight
Midnight. One of the few times I have to myself - if I can stay awake long enough. I've started a couple posts over the last few days, but they didn't feel right. I jammed up writing after the first sentence or two. I feel the same way now, but I'm going to keep trying.
I finally hired a cleaning service. A wonderful woman named Olivia came in and saved my sanity by simply cleaning the floors. I wanted owning my life to mean that I could do everything. I think owning my life means realizing what I can and can't do and getting the help for those things I can't. Maybe I'm a wuss. My mom had 7 of us kids, and she never had to hire a cleaning service. Anyway, I didn't do my nails while Olivia was here. I cleaned along side and picked clutter up and cleaned things I'd been putting off. She put the elbow grease into the floors and my shower. WOW! Did it feel better when she was done. I don't have this nagging overwhelming feeling about when I'll be able to get to it. She's coming again in 10 days to help with the kitchen and then again at the end of June to do a thorough cleaning of the house. I'll enjoy her visits and do the simple cleaning in the meantime.
I also finally got around to finding someone to fix our sprinklers after watching the lawn dry out for the last 2 months. I kept doing all this research to find the best one. I finally just scheduled folks to come out and take a look at what needed to be done. I used the ones that actually showed up. If you are trying to operate a business and accept a proposal to come out and do an estimate - don't you think you'd show up?? If you don't have the time to do the job, don't tell me you'll come out for the proposal and then not show up!!
I'm burdened with this perfectionist streak and continue researching - never making any decisions. That part HAS TO STOP. I will never accomplish anything that way. I need to teach Samantha how to move forward and get what SHE wants. I don't think I'm always the best example of this.
Another reason it is time to own my life is a new duty I've been given. I have been appointed to the national franchise association board. This is the first year that it's been in existance and it's a pretty cool thing to be a part of. It will require volunteer work each week and some traveling. I wanted to be involved because it will help my business from the big picture end of things. People think I'm crazy for doing this. I probably am. People need to stand up and make changes when changes need to be made. You can't just sit back and let people decide what is best for you. You need to do it yourself. I am good at that in some respects and still have to make it happen in other arenas of my life.
If I don't own my time, my schedule, my sense of sanity, I won't be able to do much with this board, let alone time with my own family. A good friend of mine said not to turn the computer on until after my daughter goes to bed. Good Advice@l;
Well, I'm now falling aspleep typing, so I'll own up and go to bed. I wanted to do so much more before those eyes of mine started failing me.
Heather
I finally hired a cleaning service. A wonderful woman named Olivia came in and saved my sanity by simply cleaning the floors. I wanted owning my life to mean that I could do everything. I think owning my life means realizing what I can and can't do and getting the help for those things I can't. Maybe I'm a wuss. My mom had 7 of us kids, and she never had to hire a cleaning service. Anyway, I didn't do my nails while Olivia was here. I cleaned along side and picked clutter up and cleaned things I'd been putting off. She put the elbow grease into the floors and my shower. WOW! Did it feel better when she was done. I don't have this nagging overwhelming feeling about when I'll be able to get to it. She's coming again in 10 days to help with the kitchen and then again at the end of June to do a thorough cleaning of the house. I'll enjoy her visits and do the simple cleaning in the meantime.
I also finally got around to finding someone to fix our sprinklers after watching the lawn dry out for the last 2 months. I kept doing all this research to find the best one. I finally just scheduled folks to come out and take a look at what needed to be done. I used the ones that actually showed up. If you are trying to operate a business and accept a proposal to come out and do an estimate - don't you think you'd show up?? If you don't have the time to do the job, don't tell me you'll come out for the proposal and then not show up!!
I'm burdened with this perfectionist streak and continue researching - never making any decisions. That part HAS TO STOP. I will never accomplish anything that way. I need to teach Samantha how to move forward and get what SHE wants. I don't think I'm always the best example of this.
Another reason it is time to own my life is a new duty I've been given. I have been appointed to the national franchise association board. This is the first year that it's been in existance and it's a pretty cool thing to be a part of. It will require volunteer work each week and some traveling. I wanted to be involved because it will help my business from the big picture end of things. People think I'm crazy for doing this. I probably am. People need to stand up and make changes when changes need to be made. You can't just sit back and let people decide what is best for you. You need to do it yourself. I am good at that in some respects and still have to make it happen in other arenas of my life.
If I don't own my time, my schedule, my sense of sanity, I won't be able to do much with this board, let alone time with my own family. A good friend of mine said not to turn the computer on until after my daughter goes to bed. Good Advice@l;
Well, I'm now falling aspleep typing, so I'll own up and go to bed. I wanted to do so much more before those eyes of mine started failing me.
Heather
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Today I own my own life
Hello,
I've been running around with my head cut off like a chicken ever since I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. She is now 2 1/2 years old. Since she's been born, my husband and I have uprooted our lives, displaced our friends, lived in mom and dads basement, been through too many job changes, purchased a business, and traveled to 13 states and another country. We've been busy and my life never seems to give me time for me. Which means I don't give the right kind of time to anything else in my life, including my daughter, husband and my passion, showing women how to help themselves.
That's my fault. I'm taking responsibility for it. I don't want to look back and wish I'd done things differently. I've made both good and bad choices throughout my life. It's time for me to own up to ALL of my choices.
Today, I begin owning my own life. I may or may not do a good job of it. But, I'm owning that too.
This is the first of many random thoughts, notes, requests for advice, etc. The site will probably keep morphing. More often then not, my posts will be at 1 a.m. after both my husband and daughter have gone to bed and I've let the dog, Lucy, out just one more time. It seems silly that taking time for me means posting on a website, but journaling is an important step for lots of things. I've never blogged before, but I've recently begun chatting on some online forums. I've found that I end of sharing my philosophical views more often than not, and it's great to get those out. I might even pull some of those over here and share.
Anyway, I think this is that niche for me to journal. Talk it out. Share it. Give it to the universe as it may. Is that an actual term? Not sure...
Well, I'm off to be the mom and maybe try to get some more boss stuff done later. Then a few more minutes for me by catching up with a little bit of Thursday night TV on tivo. Who has time for TV at the actual time it airs?
Owning my life,
Heather
I've been running around with my head cut off like a chicken ever since I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. She is now 2 1/2 years old. Since she's been born, my husband and I have uprooted our lives, displaced our friends, lived in mom and dads basement, been through too many job changes, purchased a business, and traveled to 13 states and another country. We've been busy and my life never seems to give me time for me. Which means I don't give the right kind of time to anything else in my life, including my daughter, husband and my passion, showing women how to help themselves.
That's my fault. I'm taking responsibility for it. I don't want to look back and wish I'd done things differently. I've made both good and bad choices throughout my life. It's time for me to own up to ALL of my choices.
Today, I begin owning my own life. I may or may not do a good job of it. But, I'm owning that too.
This is the first of many random thoughts, notes, requests for advice, etc. The site will probably keep morphing. More often then not, my posts will be at 1 a.m. after both my husband and daughter have gone to bed and I've let the dog, Lucy, out just one more time. It seems silly that taking time for me means posting on a website, but journaling is an important step for lots of things. I've never blogged before, but I've recently begun chatting on some online forums. I've found that I end of sharing my philosophical views more often than not, and it's great to get those out. I might even pull some of those over here and share.
Anyway, I think this is that niche for me to journal. Talk it out. Share it. Give it to the universe as it may. Is that an actual term? Not sure...
Well, I'm off to be the mom and maybe try to get some more boss stuff done later. Then a few more minutes for me by catching up with a little bit of Thursday night TV on tivo. Who has time for TV at the actual time it airs?
Owning my life,
Heather
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