There have been many moments over the last few weeks where I have wanted to post something. Thoughts have come into my head that I have wanted to put on paper and share with the universe, but I have not been able to necessarily sit down, log onto the internet and type. A tape recorder is desperately needed!
A quick thought I'll share as I listen to the sounds of the surf outside my window.
I wish that I could capture the feeling of love surrounding you. If we could capture this and pull it out of our "perfume" bottles whenever we needed an extra hug, life would be "marvelous". We would have no self-doubt, because those thoughts would be quickly set aside by the feelings of love and support.
**********
The above post was created the last week of June 2007 when I was enjoying an evening of "Heather". I left Samantha with her very willing god-mom and went off on my own. My computer battery died mid-post, as it has been doing lately, and I was so frustrated, I haven't been back since.
Let me say that the next morning I went shopping at a very beautiful well center that a friend of mine has created and found my perfume bottle. I filled it with the sea air, the sound of the ocean, the wishes and voices of friends and an unnamed emotion that only Santa Cruz can provide for a person. My bottle is hanging from my vehicles rear-view window, reminding me of capturing love.
Now to add few more topics...
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Priorities 2
In looking at my new heading, I think it will change as I identify more accurately what each of those roles is. My responsibilities are almost heavy at times with duties for my family and those I work with and meet. I need to be sure I remove the "heaviness" from those responsibilities and do my best at being who I am, owning my life. I don't know if this last post makes any sense. I'll be able to delve into this more later as again, I'm past the deadline I gave myself.
Priorities
I had an interesting conversation with my husband last night. I have been lacking energy lately and he's called me on it. I seem to be blah at work and at home. I have been feeling it myself and THOUGHT I was doing a good job of hiding it. Guess you can't hide from somebody who's lived with you daily for over 14 years. I think it's because when I put energy into my work, I don't have it left for home, and when I put it in at home, I don't have it left for work. So then I start feeling like I can't do anything. Hence the reason for this website. So I can own things and do something about it.
By the way, I didn't start exercising the next morning (from my post on exercise) but I have done it a couple of times since - and it's been nice. I actually had one morning where I changed from "work" clothes to "workout" clothes and back and forth a couple of times before I actually left at 5 a.m. That's what I go through, the back and forth of what is most important and I'm tending to get it wrong these days. You'd also think my work and workout clothes should be the same since I own a gym. :)
Got a little off subject, there. Anyway, my husband said, "I am a husband, dad, musician and surfer. That is all I am. I don't label myself with my job. The priorities of what I do and think about each day are about those things. Nothing else." I don't think I can be quite that simple with my thinking. I'm too much of a headcase for that. But I can limit the amount of hats I wear and ensure that anything I take on falls under one of those hats. Then I won't be spreading myself too thin. I also will have a better sense of who I am, what is important to me and what I should be doing each day.
You'll notice, I've changed my heading just a little bit. As a business owner, I will have certain things I need to do. Everything I do, should come back to being a healthy choice for myself first. Then that in turn, will help me be the best wife I can be; which will then turn into good mommy skills, including being the best example I can be of a woman to my daughter.
Another thing that is lacking is my identity with my job lately. I got started with Curves for a number of reasons. I already have gotten backlogged with paperwork and have lost my oomph. Everyone around me knew this would happen. Balance is the answer (who would have thought?). I enjoy the shift work, but can't do it well when I know everything else needs to happen as well. I'm looking forward to making some more employee picks, so I can do some bigger things and enjoy the shift work when I can.
Well, I gave myself a limit of finishing this by 2:30. That is now the time. So more on all of these later, because I still have to change my heading to reflect only the top most priorities in my life.
h
By the way, I didn't start exercising the next morning (from my post on exercise) but I have done it a couple of times since - and it's been nice. I actually had one morning where I changed from "work" clothes to "workout" clothes and back and forth a couple of times before I actually left at 5 a.m. That's what I go through, the back and forth of what is most important and I'm tending to get it wrong these days. You'd also think my work and workout clothes should be the same since I own a gym. :)
Got a little off subject, there. Anyway, my husband said, "I am a husband, dad, musician and surfer. That is all I am. I don't label myself with my job. The priorities of what I do and think about each day are about those things. Nothing else." I don't think I can be quite that simple with my thinking. I'm too much of a headcase for that. But I can limit the amount of hats I wear and ensure that anything I take on falls under one of those hats. Then I won't be spreading myself too thin. I also will have a better sense of who I am, what is important to me and what I should be doing each day.
You'll notice, I've changed my heading just a little bit. As a business owner, I will have certain things I need to do. Everything I do, should come back to being a healthy choice for myself first. Then that in turn, will help me be the best wife I can be; which will then turn into good mommy skills, including being the best example I can be of a woman to my daughter.
Another thing that is lacking is my identity with my job lately. I got started with Curves for a number of reasons. I already have gotten backlogged with paperwork and have lost my oomph. Everyone around me knew this would happen. Balance is the answer (who would have thought?). I enjoy the shift work, but can't do it well when I know everything else needs to happen as well. I'm looking forward to making some more employee picks, so I can do some bigger things and enjoy the shift work when I can.
Well, I gave myself a limit of finishing this by 2:30. That is now the time. So more on all of these later, because I still have to change my heading to reflect only the top most priorities in my life.
h
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Time
How is it that the first half of 2007 is over? How is it that no matter what I plan to get done, I barely finish or even start task #1. Is it distraction, procrastination, or distraction yet again?
Time doesn't seem to be on my side. Samantha is 2 1/2. What have I done for her so far in life? It feels like nothing. I've kept her alive, but I don't know if I've really given her anything. I can't get my brain to stop and focus on the moment. I try, but it seems that I try to hard.
I'm a "closet" breastfeeder. I only mean that in so much as I don't bring it up that I'm still breastfeeding, even my mom seems to think that Samantha is too old. I must say that there are times where I am definitely ready to stop. Or I just don't want to sit down at that moment. But when I do stop and nurse Samantha. That is when I'm in the moment. I can't really do anything else. It's like she's forcing me to slow down and be with her, since I'm not good at doing it any other way.
I don't know how to own being a mom. I take care of her, keep her bathed, fed, etc. The basics. But I don't know how to go beyond that. Something in me is afraid. Of what I don't know. Is it the fear I've had forever about being a mom and I'm not overcoming it? Something, Something. Taking one day at a time. Living in the moment. Slowing down to smell the roses. All of these come into play, yet I have the hardest time doing any of these.
And time continue to pass away.
Time doesn't seem to be on my side. Samantha is 2 1/2. What have I done for her so far in life? It feels like nothing. I've kept her alive, but I don't know if I've really given her anything. I can't get my brain to stop and focus on the moment. I try, but it seems that I try to hard.
I'm a "closet" breastfeeder. I only mean that in so much as I don't bring it up that I'm still breastfeeding, even my mom seems to think that Samantha is too old. I must say that there are times where I am definitely ready to stop. Or I just don't want to sit down at that moment. But when I do stop and nurse Samantha. That is when I'm in the moment. I can't really do anything else. It's like she's forcing me to slow down and be with her, since I'm not good at doing it any other way.
I don't know how to own being a mom. I take care of her, keep her bathed, fed, etc. The basics. But I don't know how to go beyond that. Something in me is afraid. Of what I don't know. Is it the fear I've had forever about being a mom and I'm not overcoming it? Something, Something. Taking one day at a time. Living in the moment. Slowing down to smell the roses. All of these come into play, yet I have the hardest time doing any of these.
And time continue to pass away.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Tivo
Tivo has got to be one of the greatest inventions in life!
I believe I have an addiction to TV. :)
It is one that at times has sucked afternoons away from me, and evenings and weekends. However, Tivo has come along and now I've picked a few of my favorite shows. All Thursday night shows, The Office, Scrubs, Rock30, My Name is Earl. I let them gather up for a few weeks at a time and then sit down and enjoy for long periods of time, just like I used to.
But instead of it being everyday, it's few and far between.
It's taken me an hour to write this, cause I'm catching up and LAUGHING!
h
I believe I have an addiction to TV. :)
It is one that at times has sucked afternoons away from me, and evenings and weekends. However, Tivo has come along and now I've picked a few of my favorite shows. All Thursday night shows, The Office, Scrubs, Rock30, My Name is Earl. I let them gather up for a few weeks at a time and then sit down and enjoy for long periods of time, just like I used to.
But instead of it being everyday, it's few and far between.
It's taken me an hour to write this, cause I'm catching up and LAUGHING!
h
Monday, May 21, 2007
Exercise
How is it that an owner of a gym still can't find time for exercise?!
The better word to use is "make" time. People come work out at my gym because they know they will be distracted with other duties at home. Well, I guess you could say the same for me. There are too many other things I want/need to do. I can't comfortably exercise knowing the schedule hasn't been made, calls need to be returned, duties need to written out, so they can become delegated duties instead of "only in my head" duties.
I WANT to exercise. I KNOW it feels better. I KNOW I only have time for 30 minutes, what I offer to my clients. So why don't I stop and do it? If all of my backed up to do list has waited this long, it can wait for 30 more minutes, right? Somehow my brain hasn't figured that out. I'll start exercising, and think of one thing then another and I just get enjoy my workout.
I've thought of finding another Curves to go to, but I'd spend to much time talking to employees/owner. I'd like to go to Yoga, but then I have schedules I need to make time for, and I can't find a studio that has convenient class times for me. Then there is 24 hour fitness again. But my late at night workouts can't happen anymore now that I've got a 2 year old daughter at home. Besides, I don't have time for more than 30 minutes. Hence, the reason for Curves.
So, how can I make time for exercise at my home away from home? I've got all the excuses in the book, like everyone else not exercising in the world. I need to come up with a way around my excuses. A way to work through the distraction of my 2nd home duties, so I can ENJOY the workout. I don't enjoy it right now. That is my problem. I don't enjoy it. How can I enjoy it.
I think if I could work out to different music, not the same stuff I've tuned out. I think if I could work out by myself, not with other people watching to see if I do it right or not. There are three times during the day to do this.
5 a.m.
1 p.m.
7 p.m.
When 1 -3 come around, my mom's waiting for answers, phone calls need to happen and I've been on my feet for 7-8 hours. Just like the folks that don't like to come in at 5 p.m. after their work day, 1 p.m. doesn't work for me. Then there is 7 p.m. I actually get a great workout at this time of night, but again, if I'm here at 7, it means I've been here since 6. So that is out.
5 a.m. it is. Wow. This is going to be tough, getting there that early. But Toby is taking Samantha each morning, so I don't need to worry about dropping her off. I'm barely awake and sucking on my coffee when I get there at 6. I need to change the way I start my day.
Getting up, washing my face and leaving is the best way for me to leave the house without getting distracted. Showers will have to happen at night, and bedhead will have to be the "In" thing. This means a haircut again!
So 4:30 a.m. is my wake up time. The coffee will brew and I'll pour a bit for me to take in a thermos. Better yet, I'll have a cup and relax for 15 minutes before driving off for the day. Perhaps I could read some inspirational material first thing in the morning. I've got to cut down on my coffee anyway. Especially the calorie laden fu fu drinks. I just fear that the longer I linger at the house, the more chance I have of waking up Samantha which is THE LAST THING I want to do in the morning.
I'll also need to eat a bit of something before exercise. Some yogurt, apple, egg, etc. And then have a breakfast prepped for after the workout. If this works out, I'll be able to workout at 5 a.m. - before anybody else can bother me! Woo Hoo!
So when do I start? This will be the thing. I tend to put off all decisions, until their perfect. I tend to put off all changes, until something else changes, and so on. Let's see if I can just simply start tomorrow.
The better word to use is "make" time. People come work out at my gym because they know they will be distracted with other duties at home. Well, I guess you could say the same for me. There are too many other things I want/need to do. I can't comfortably exercise knowing the schedule hasn't been made, calls need to be returned, duties need to written out, so they can become delegated duties instead of "only in my head" duties.
I WANT to exercise. I KNOW it feels better. I KNOW I only have time for 30 minutes, what I offer to my clients. So why don't I stop and do it? If all of my backed up to do list has waited this long, it can wait for 30 more minutes, right? Somehow my brain hasn't figured that out. I'll start exercising, and think of one thing then another and I just get enjoy my workout.
I've thought of finding another Curves to go to, but I'd spend to much time talking to employees/owner. I'd like to go to Yoga, but then I have schedules I need to make time for, and I can't find a studio that has convenient class times for me. Then there is 24 hour fitness again. But my late at night workouts can't happen anymore now that I've got a 2 year old daughter at home. Besides, I don't have time for more than 30 minutes. Hence, the reason for Curves.
So, how can I make time for exercise at my home away from home? I've got all the excuses in the book, like everyone else not exercising in the world. I need to come up with a way around my excuses. A way to work through the distraction of my 2nd home duties, so I can ENJOY the workout. I don't enjoy it right now. That is my problem. I don't enjoy it. How can I enjoy it.
I think if I could work out to different music, not the same stuff I've tuned out. I think if I could work out by myself, not with other people watching to see if I do it right or not. There are three times during the day to do this.
5 a.m.
1 p.m.
7 p.m.
When 1 -3 come around, my mom's waiting for answers, phone calls need to happen and I've been on my feet for 7-8 hours. Just like the folks that don't like to come in at 5 p.m. after their work day, 1 p.m. doesn't work for me. Then there is 7 p.m. I actually get a great workout at this time of night, but again, if I'm here at 7, it means I've been here since 6. So that is out.
5 a.m. it is. Wow. This is going to be tough, getting there that early. But Toby is taking Samantha each morning, so I don't need to worry about dropping her off. I'm barely awake and sucking on my coffee when I get there at 6. I need to change the way I start my day.
Getting up, washing my face and leaving is the best way for me to leave the house without getting distracted. Showers will have to happen at night, and bedhead will have to be the "In" thing. This means a haircut again!
So 4:30 a.m. is my wake up time. The coffee will brew and I'll pour a bit for me to take in a thermos. Better yet, I'll have a cup and relax for 15 minutes before driving off for the day. Perhaps I could read some inspirational material first thing in the morning. I've got to cut down on my coffee anyway. Especially the calorie laden fu fu drinks. I just fear that the longer I linger at the house, the more chance I have of waking up Samantha which is THE LAST THING I want to do in the morning.
I'll also need to eat a bit of something before exercise. Some yogurt, apple, egg, etc. And then have a breakfast prepped for after the workout. If this works out, I'll be able to workout at 5 a.m. - before anybody else can bother me! Woo Hoo!
So when do I start? This will be the thing. I tend to put off all decisions, until their perfect. I tend to put off all changes, until something else changes, and so on. Let's see if I can just simply start tomorrow.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Midnight
Midnight. One of the few times I have to myself - if I can stay awake long enough. I've started a couple posts over the last few days, but they didn't feel right. I jammed up writing after the first sentence or two. I feel the same way now, but I'm going to keep trying.
I finally hired a cleaning service. A wonderful woman named Olivia came in and saved my sanity by simply cleaning the floors. I wanted owning my life to mean that I could do everything. I think owning my life means realizing what I can and can't do and getting the help for those things I can't. Maybe I'm a wuss. My mom had 7 of us kids, and she never had to hire a cleaning service. Anyway, I didn't do my nails while Olivia was here. I cleaned along side and picked clutter up and cleaned things I'd been putting off. She put the elbow grease into the floors and my shower. WOW! Did it feel better when she was done. I don't have this nagging overwhelming feeling about when I'll be able to get to it. She's coming again in 10 days to help with the kitchen and then again at the end of June to do a thorough cleaning of the house. I'll enjoy her visits and do the simple cleaning in the meantime.
I also finally got around to finding someone to fix our sprinklers after watching the lawn dry out for the last 2 months. I kept doing all this research to find the best one. I finally just scheduled folks to come out and take a look at what needed to be done. I used the ones that actually showed up. If you are trying to operate a business and accept a proposal to come out and do an estimate - don't you think you'd show up?? If you don't have the time to do the job, don't tell me you'll come out for the proposal and then not show up!!
I'm burdened with this perfectionist streak and continue researching - never making any decisions. That part HAS TO STOP. I will never accomplish anything that way. I need to teach Samantha how to move forward and get what SHE wants. I don't think I'm always the best example of this.
Another reason it is time to own my life is a new duty I've been given. I have been appointed to the national franchise association board. This is the first year that it's been in existance and it's a pretty cool thing to be a part of. It will require volunteer work each week and some traveling. I wanted to be involved because it will help my business from the big picture end of things. People think I'm crazy for doing this. I probably am. People need to stand up and make changes when changes need to be made. You can't just sit back and let people decide what is best for you. You need to do it yourself. I am good at that in some respects and still have to make it happen in other arenas of my life.
If I don't own my time, my schedule, my sense of sanity, I won't be able to do much with this board, let alone time with my own family. A good friend of mine said not to turn the computer on until after my daughter goes to bed. Good Advice@l;
Well, I'm now falling aspleep typing, so I'll own up and go to bed. I wanted to do so much more before those eyes of mine started failing me.
Heather
I finally hired a cleaning service. A wonderful woman named Olivia came in and saved my sanity by simply cleaning the floors. I wanted owning my life to mean that I could do everything. I think owning my life means realizing what I can and can't do and getting the help for those things I can't. Maybe I'm a wuss. My mom had 7 of us kids, and she never had to hire a cleaning service. Anyway, I didn't do my nails while Olivia was here. I cleaned along side and picked clutter up and cleaned things I'd been putting off. She put the elbow grease into the floors and my shower. WOW! Did it feel better when she was done. I don't have this nagging overwhelming feeling about when I'll be able to get to it. She's coming again in 10 days to help with the kitchen and then again at the end of June to do a thorough cleaning of the house. I'll enjoy her visits and do the simple cleaning in the meantime.
I also finally got around to finding someone to fix our sprinklers after watching the lawn dry out for the last 2 months. I kept doing all this research to find the best one. I finally just scheduled folks to come out and take a look at what needed to be done. I used the ones that actually showed up. If you are trying to operate a business and accept a proposal to come out and do an estimate - don't you think you'd show up?? If you don't have the time to do the job, don't tell me you'll come out for the proposal and then not show up!!
I'm burdened with this perfectionist streak and continue researching - never making any decisions. That part HAS TO STOP. I will never accomplish anything that way. I need to teach Samantha how to move forward and get what SHE wants. I don't think I'm always the best example of this.
Another reason it is time to own my life is a new duty I've been given. I have been appointed to the national franchise association board. This is the first year that it's been in existance and it's a pretty cool thing to be a part of. It will require volunteer work each week and some traveling. I wanted to be involved because it will help my business from the big picture end of things. People think I'm crazy for doing this. I probably am. People need to stand up and make changes when changes need to be made. You can't just sit back and let people decide what is best for you. You need to do it yourself. I am good at that in some respects and still have to make it happen in other arenas of my life.
If I don't own my time, my schedule, my sense of sanity, I won't be able to do much with this board, let alone time with my own family. A good friend of mine said not to turn the computer on until after my daughter goes to bed. Good Advice@l;
Well, I'm now falling aspleep typing, so I'll own up and go to bed. I wanted to do so much more before those eyes of mine started failing me.
Heather
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